10 Life Lessons I Had to Learn the Hard Way
In the past year, I have grown as a person more than I ever have before. (Unless you count those 7.5 inches in 7th grade, but we’re talking mental growth here.)
I’ve experienced people who treated me like dirt, and others who showed me nothing but love. I’ve had my lowest of all lows and almost gave up, but I’m here now feeling better than ever before. I’ve made difficult decisions that tore me apart for weeks, but have not regretted a single one.
Now, I’m at this weird in-between place where I feel like I’ve outgrown my old self, but have no idea where my new self is heading. The only thing I do know is that when I learn, I like to share my knowledge with others. This past year has taught me so many valuable life lessons that I know can help others going through similar situations as I did. Hopefully, I can spare you some of the pain that came with learning these 10 life lessons.
You have to let go of people that don’t reciprocate in relationships.
One of the most difficult realizations I’ve come to in the past few years is that it’s not worth the time or energy to hold onto friendships in which the other person doesn’t put in an equal amount of effort. I don’t expect much from others – just some texts and attempts to get together throughout a few months.
If I find that I’m always the one initiating conversation or making the effort to fit someone into my schedule when they don’t do the same, it’s just better to distance myself from that person. No hard feelings. Some friendships just aren’t meant to be and I’d rather spend my time on someone who will appreciate it.
The only thing you are in control of is how you react to situations.
Life likes to throw a lot of shit at us. Everyone experiences inconveniences, setbacks, and miniature disasters that knock us off our feet. However, the damage that they do is dependent on how we react to them. You can either declare that the world is against you and dwell in your unnecessary pain, or you take the hit, shake it off, and get right back on track. I’ve had to teach myself to be patient in the face of disruption to keep moving forward.
You can’t change those who don’t want to be changed.
As someone who simply wants to help others, it’s hard for me not to advise friends and family that are making poor decisions or in a difficult place. Some people don’t want to (or aren’t ready to) change, and it’s not my place to step in and try to fix their problem if they didn’t ask for my help. No matter how frustrating it is to watch someone struggle, they will only be able to make changes on their own time.
Life tip: Only offer advice to someone after first asking for their permission.
Don’t make assumptions.
Just as much as you would hate for someone to make an assumption about you without the right information, you have to think the same for others. Don’t assume how others feel about a situation, don’t assume what they’re thinking, don’t assume that they understand how you feel until there is clear communication. Assumptions only lead to false narratives that can grow out of control and spread. Simply ask to get your answers.
The truth is always best, no matter how hard it is.
Not being honest always ends up hurting someone much more than it would to tell them the truth in the first place. It’s like ripping off a bandaid – telling a harsh truth is going to sting, but just for a little bit. Continue with lies, and emotions are going to build up that when the truth finally comes out it’s going to feel more like a stab wound than a paper cut. Being honest is on you – how someone reacts to your honesty is out of your hands. If they don’t like it, just know you’ve done your part and move on.
Learn when to say no.
If you’re anything like me, you want to believe that you can do every task you’re presented with, all by yourself, with no complications or setbacks.
It’s not that easy.
Society has taught us to feel guilty when we’re not working at 100% and constantly busy with “important” tasks. It’s like the world is in a competition to see who can get the most done without going insane. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to say no. You’re allowed to take breaks and deny things you don’t want to do if you know you’re at your limit.
Everything (even the bad things) happens to you for a reason.
The past few years have been filled with battles against my mental health, fallouts with friends, and the overwhelming feeling of doom. But, looking back at it now has shown me that I needed to go through all of that shit to become the person I am today. Yes, it was painful. Yes, there were times when I wanted to give up. Yet, each and every experience lead me to this point in my life – finally feeling good. So, when you find yourself struggling, just know that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
We don’t always get closure.
An unfortunate truth. I am still trying to let go of situations in which I never fully got to understand how they became such a mess. People don’t owe you anything, and no matter how much you think you deserve an explanation, you may never get one.
At this point, most of us start spiraling downwards with endless questions and anger. However, you have to learn when to stop questioning and accept the situation for how it is. It’s hard. But causing yourself to suffer over the unknown is harder.
You are the only person you can count on, so learn how to be alone.
I’ve always been an introverted person. I would even go as far as saying I’m a bit of a loner. However, spending so much time alone has allowed me to grow into a strong individual that can care for myself when no one else is around. I’m not saying that having relationships are bad; they’re wonderful when there is mutual effort and admiration (this applies to friendships, family, and significant others). Yet, you can never be too prepared for moments when another person doesn’t come through on their part.
Learning to do things on your own is a liberating skill. If you’re always relying on other people to accompany you, you can miss out on a lot of fun or interesting opportunities. You have to become your own best friend because you’re the only person that will always be there for you.
Read my blog post: On Being Your Own Worst Enemy
Accept the help that is offered to you. Ask for help if you need it.
For some reason, many of us believe that accepting help from others is a sign of weakness. Or we think that the other person doesn’t really mean it and is just being polite. From my experiences, most people genuinely do want to help you when they offer. This ranges from silly tasks like helping you carry something heavy, to deeper problems like supporting you through a hard time. If someone’s hand is reaching out, put your pride aside and take it because it benefits everyone involved.
Let me know your thoughts about this post in the comments. Did any of these lessons resonate with you? What is something you had to learn the hard way? Don’t forget to subscribe to my mailing list at the bottom of this page for updates on my blog!
I wish you all the best of luck and lots of love x
21 Comments
Stephanie
Felt like you were literally talking about my life. Really needed to hear these words. Thank you 💞
admin
I’m glad you liked it 🙂
Saranyaa Ramesh
Absolutely loved this post! Thank you 💜
admin
Thanks for reading!
Ellen
I’m soo bad at saying no to people! But now that I’m 20 I feel like I’m starting to get better at it. Last year I discovered the reality of always saying yes. It wasn’t fun! And I was letting myself get played! Thank you for always sharing your tips and life lessons! You are my biggest inspiration because you make me feel normal eventhough I don’t know what I’m doing with my life like 99% of the time. Greetings from Belgium (Europe).
Kara Serafin
Thank you for always sharing your tips and life lessons with us Reese. We’re all going through this journey of life together and it’s nice to learn from others 💗
admin
I’m happy to help 🙂
Kyla
Your words really spoke to me
Thank you!
admin
Thank you for your comment <3
Amber
Love this! Thank you for posting this <3
Zain
You need to write more posts like this. Thank you so much for sharing with us those 10 life lessons. Reading it really makes me so much better !!
admin
Thank you for reading! I just want to help 🙂
Katya Galea
I cannot express how much I relate to what you went through Reese. I’m 23 years old and unfortunately still going through some of the same experiences. This year I made a tough decision and i’m currently in between careers… It wasn’t easy, yet I now I’m finally studying something that I can engage with and makes me feel truly fulfilled and happy.
However, regardless of the huge success in my academic/professional life, i’m still going through a lot of personal turmoil, especially in my friendships. Maintaining adult friendships is actually a lot harder than adolescent ones. Everyone’s struggling with their own version of life problems and finding common ground is challenging. Nonetheless, I still strive to remain positive and be grateful for all the small joys and successes along the way.
Much love and admiration,
Kat x
admin
This comment is so sweet <3 Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best of luck with your studies x
Charlotte
This really spoke to me, thank you so much for sharing! I think it’s amazing to hear (and see) how much you’s grown and it makes me think that I can do it, too. I, too, struggle with a lot of the things you’ve mentioned, especially saying no. I feel like I am always busy and if I’m not, I’m starting to feel depressed and useless, like I expect 100% from myself. I have a hard time saying no to things or not working and knowing that you (and others) face the same struggles makes me feel better about it (or at least like I’m not going crazy).
Thank you, Reese!
Katy Knutson
This helped out a lot! I’m currently going through a struggle of not getting an explanation/closure. So this helped me realize I just need to let it go
admin
glad I can help 🙂
Paula
You’re truly an angel reese! I never regret following you for years you help me a lot and probably you’re also one of the reasons what I am today ❤ You changed me for the better! I will try to be independent in school and rely on myself because I need it for me. Btw I’m 2nd year college right now and I hope all your advices and tips will help me a lot until I graduate looking forward to your future works reese! I miss your vlogs too!
Shruthi
This literally talked about my life. Thank you for sharing this Reese, I really needed to hear this. Going through hard times, backstabbing from close friends and school and family. This really helped me out.
Himani
It was a really a helpful blog Reese, I am very happy to see you grow. I am just 17 but, it is I think half correct to say I have experienced some things which weren’t the best and am still learning but I am happy of the person I have became than I was before!
Looking forward to more helpful content from you..
~Thank you~
Zuzanna
I feel like so many people our age (early 20s) experienced similar realisation this past year. Being stuck only with your own thoughts really makes you think differently about some issues. I think I have made the biggest progress this past year when it comes to learning about myself. And as you said “Now, I’m at this weird in-between place where I feel like I’ve outgrown my old self, but have no idea where my new self is heading.” I feel exactly the same. I know I am not the same person I was last year, however there is still some things for me to do and learn to actually become like true me. It is very exciting time and I truly believe if not for the pandemic, I would not make such a progress this year.